October 11, 2013

On self identity

After making a rash decision to skip my entire day of classes, watching this video on what it's really like to move abroad, and hiding like a scared hedgehog under my comforter all day with Bath & Body Works holiday candles filling my room with nostalgia, I've realized something.

You can't expect the future to fix you. Moving to Versailles is not going to magically solve my issues with laziness, my fear of putting myself out there, or my frequent lack of passion.

Living in France seems extremely romantic, but it's really no different than living anywhere else. Wonky old buildings, cobblestones making walking a balancing act, and fresh bread everyday would make anybody's life seem full of charm and inspiration... For a while. Especially when compared to boxy American suburbs and road rage and oversized portions at restaurants.

Certainly, a change in scenery will do me a lot of good, not to mention the presence of a certain Swedish lad* in my everyday, physical life; but I must remember that I cannot DEPEND on the romanticized visions of these things for instant happiness. Happiness must be grounded in reality and close to loved ones, happiness is being adventurous, and feeling proud of oneself. Happiness is a series of choices and it's in my grasp.

*Erik and I have been in a long distance relationship since January, after having met in Paris during my studies abroad.

Find me on Instagram at FrenchCalifornian

1 comment:

  1. Moving definitely entails so much more than you can ever hope/prepare/wish. I totally understand where you are coming from, having moved a few months ago into a completely different way of life. It is hard, you will cry, you will carry all your problems you have now with you. They will not magically disappear. Sometimes it is hard to get a grasp on what your situation will be like once you move, but it's good to know as much as you can. The people and the opportunities will make or brake any move. Everything else doesn't really matter; you can find beauty in all kinds of weather, scenery, and places.


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