Visual Diary: Rainy Days, Petit Palais, and other Life Things

The past couple weeks have been quite drizzly, blustery, and chilly. I find that time seems to be passing more quickly and naturally now - I've stopped counting the passing weekends, and stopped feeling panicky about the unknown future. The residence card should be in the works as we speak, and I've got a babysitting job lined up for the fall. I've even managed to pick up a little side job for a couple months, which will fund both my student loan payments due in June, as well as my summertime-BFF-Spain trip planned for August. I am far from having everything figured out, but who ever really does?





I was walking through a long, conveyor-belt strip in the Montparnasse metro station a while back, and noticed an advertisement that stretched the entire length of the tunnel. The Paris metro always contains ads for spectacles and temporary art exhibitions, and this particular one was adorned with Belle Epoque images of the Eiffel Tower, World's Fair, Toulouse-Lautrec posters, the Moulin Rouge... basically the quintessential historical Paris. I know I had to see the exhibition asap, because that's my time period! It was housed within the gorgeous Petit Palais and had a wide variety of both art and "cultural artefacts," if you will. Photographs, posters, paintings, garments, books, furniture, an Art Nouveau metro archway, you name it. I tried to get pictures of things, but the lighting is always impossibly low in these kind of exhibitions. We failed to buy advance tickets online to avoid the line, but in the end managed to pick a good day and only waited in the queue for about 25 minutes, and ate some pastries to pass the time!






This week was the first of my new short-term babysitting gig, so I've been out of the house more often than usual, and have focused less on my blog. However, I have been working on a new wordpress-based site design that I'm really excited about! I have a vision for this blog, one that reaches out into other realms, and I really feel that I can achieve this vision if I just keep working at it a little everyday.



Married life has also been especially excellent as of late. I've had a pessimistic, jaded, fearful view of marriage for many years, but I'm happy to say that our relationship at the moment is blatantly defying every single one of those apprehensions. I love everything about this guy, and regardless of what I do with my life, at least I have this really weird, funny, caring person next to me. <3 I will cherish this Instax photo for the rest of my life:


À bientôt mes amies!

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Places I once knew

The other day, I revisited my old neighbourhood. Just walking down that familiar street brought memories that had entirely faded from my brain, rushing back with clarity. I remembered small, impossible details like what my friend ordered that time we ate at the café downstairs, the happy conversation I had with the nearby florist, discussing the contents of paté with my Mother when she visited, shopping for a tiny christmas tree with my best friend, the nearby church I had visited when I was at my lowest... I could go on for days.

But instead of making me happy, these memories just made me sad. I spent the rest of the day mulling over why sadness was my first reaction, and I still haven't quite figured it out.



What struck me was the familiar feeling of the weather. When I surfaced from the metro that very first early-autumn day in Paris, the skies were clear and blue, with some happy clouds, the sun was warm, but there was a slight chill in the air. And when I returned, a year and a half later, on a beautiful spring day, it felt so similar. How can everything look and feel the same, yet you've changed so much?

I started wondering who lives in my apartment now. Are they also a student, do they love it as much as I did, what place in the world did they travel from to arrive here in Paris? Do the people I walked past everyday still live in this neighbourhood? And even more than that - did my presence in this minuscule corner of the universe make any impression? Does a part of me still linger here?

I thought about my hometown, how even though I love the desert landscape and spending time with my family in our cozy house, I always end up feeling a little melancholy whenever I return. It's like the puzzle piece (me) doesn't quite fit comfortably anymore, and even though I am somewhat bothered by the awkwardness, there's nothing I can do to change that.

My mind then began to wander; what makes ME who I am? Is it the collective experiences, people, and places I've encountered? The spaces I've inhabited? The things I eat, the conversations I've had, the relationships and heartbreaks I've endured?

I don't think I'll ever come to discover a final version of myself - I truly feel like being human, by definition, is a constant transformational experience. Although I've always sought change in my life, never wanting to become boring or stagnant, I sure do have a hard time coping with the passage of good times.

Maybe the memories of my old Parisian apartment make me sad because I associate that time of my life with a better version of myself - a version with more passion and actual goals. Maybe I'm glorifying the past, and maybe I need to stop doing that.


“Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final”
― Rainer Maria Rilke


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Found Objects of April

Things have been relatively quiet over here lately. I've been running small errands around Versailles and quietly searching out new inspirations to keep me feeling interested and alive, and some of the things that keep me going are the creations of other humans: blogs, artist portfolios, new music, etc. There's an entire world of creativity that exists and thrives on the internet, I'd even say that the interwebs, at least for those who have access to it, has become integrated into our very concept of reality - or at least has become an expression of it. Today, you can see nearly the entire world from your computer screen, things that you wouldn't have seen otherwise. I think it's so amazing - so let me share some of what I've found with you.

I've titled this new series "Found Objects" because each link or tid-bit or song is something I've stumbled upon whilst strolling through the internet, much like found-objects within artistic practice are discovered: by chance.

First, is this playlist I've assembled for you. For the past year or so, I've been enamoured with electronic anthems that get the blood pumping, but lately none of that has felt right. I haven't listened to any music at all, since I wasn't sure what I liked, or what felt like me anymore. I think we all go through seasons and changes in life, and I feel like I'm just now starting to discover what my next season will feel like. Instead of the electro-hip vibe I've been ruminating in since my first stay in Paris, I've been hearkening back a bit more towards my high-school indie-ish loves - think Elliot Smith, Radiohead's In Rainbows album, Damien Rice, and The Frames. Many of the songs below, however, have an electronic element. Most are picked from albums that are genre-bending, slightly strange, a bit dark, and best listened to full-length and meditatively through good-quality headphones (or loudly in a car, a luxury I no longer have here in France).


Next, is Olivia Rae James, who has a photography portfolio and blog that are overflowing with gorgeous photography. The kind of photography that is both visually stunning, yet easy-to-understsand. She captures the real magic of everyday scenes. No scene is over-aggrandized, yet everything she captures enchants the eye.

Culture Keeper is where Jonathan Randall Grant assembles the experiences, collaborations, vision, and imagery of his life. He shares his unique and uncomplicated perspective with others, and I love his honest writing style. It is not a typical, run-of-the-mill site, and he is not a typical person - and that's what makes it so nice to explore.

Anomie is an online shop, recently opened by a young lady called Chelsea, who does a mighty fine job of assembling a superb collection of homewares, accessories, and clothing that are entirely handmade. Most of the brands she stocks are small, start-up companies. She also has a little YouTube channel called ChelseaWears, and she's a delightful person!


I really enjoyed putting together this post. I think I'll make a habit of it every month, if I remember, that is ;)

Until next time.

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Plans Fail: A Sudden Trip to New York City

Moving to France to eat croissants and macarons all day might sound “easy” or “spontaneous,” but it actually takes a lot of planning and, how do I put it? …logistical manoeuvres. There are a few ways to get here: as a student, as a student/au pair, as a worker, or as the family member of a European person. The option that made the most sense for Erik and I was to become family members, i.e.: get married.

Up until last week, we had been planning on marrying in Sweden, Erik being a Swede and all. We had the tickets bought, we had plans for me to finally meet his family, and we were about to leave in less than a week. However, when we found out that some documents we sent hadn't been deemed "official" enough, we had to make a sudden change of plans. It’s not like we have all the time in the world, either - there’s a definite timeline to apply for residency, which is constantly hanging over my head.

Our solution? New York City.




It was certainly a lot of fun, but it was also really stressful. I was born American, but in many ways, New York felt like a foreign country. After attempting to walk from the Empire State Building up to Central Park, I realised that this is NOT a city made for sightseeing walks; it’s overwhelmingly expansive. In Paris, all you have to do is pick a street - any street - and it will be beautiful or charming or interesting in some way. New York requires a lot more city knowledge. New York also feels much grittier - rougher. I would imagine that the typical New Yorker is generally a tougher kind of person.






{IT WAS COOOOOLD!}
The day we got married was the coldest we experienced during our 5-day trip, and although my bare legs were frozen, the bright sunshine and clear skies made up for it. The Manhattan City Clerk’s Marriage Bureau was quite lovely: nothing over the top, but quite a few steps up from the DMV for sure. Some of the other government buildings nearby were pretty impressive and made for a good picture of us :D





We had some great pizza at Lombardi's, saw the city from the Rockafeller building, took some taxis, admired some fire escapes, went to a couple great bars, explored the Metropolitan Museum, strolled through Central Park, and best of all, GOT MARRIED!













I’m so excited to be home. Although I wouldn’t say that France feels like home by any stretch of the imagination, when I’m with somebody I love, I feel secure. When you’re out in the big world, within endless urbanscapes that swallow you up in machine dust and human grime, in a place where you feel sick, tired, scared, and confused, the best remedy possible is to have someone by your side.




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Visual Diary: Tourist or Resident?

It's been nearly a month since I've arrived in France, and one question has been rolling around in my mind constantly - am I a tourist, or do I live here? I think the answer to that question is a definitive, neither.

Paris doesn't have the same angelic glow it has when first laying eyes upon it, the boulangeries and rows of pretty buildings now feel normal. I still find it charming and beautiful, but the sense of adventure and discovery and exhilaration one feels when traveling to new places is definitely lacking.

I've been splitting my time between touristy outings, household tasks, and establishing new routines; Finding a favorite bakery, becoming familiar with the layout of the nearest Monoprix (A french supermarket), and learning to do laundry without a dryer. I also play a lot of video games and watch a great deal of TV. I take sporadic trips into Paris when I'm feeling energetic, but the bulk of my time has been spent doing "homey" things.

Niether of these activities - sightseeing and everyday living - feels completely accurate. I'm no longer a tourist, but I don't quite fully live here, yet. I'm looking forward to the day when I've sorted out all the paperwork for a residence permit and established a job. Lately I've been very stressed over all the little details of becoming "legal," going though all the worst-case scenarios in my mind. I've come to the conclusion, as I have many times before, that the only thing I can do is take it one step at a time. There's no use worrying about things I can't control, only handle them when they do come.

My visual diary of last week includes another trip to Montmartre and a bit of walking around Versailles:







Restauraunt - Refuge des Fondus:




Around Versailles:
This is our little window. I got some plants to spruce it up, but the intense winds the last few days have forced me to bring them inside!





This coming week I'm heading into the foreigner's welcome office to get some more solid information on applying for a residence permit, I think after that I'll feel way more in control.

After exploring a bit of the Canal area of Paris with LouLou - who is also a blogger and was kind enough to reach out and share brunch with me last week - I've been eager to find places in Paris that I've never explored, a different kind of charm.

Coming soon: Musée Jacquemart André, and Chateau de Versailles.


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